oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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