Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize