i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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