All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
