Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
