There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
