My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just had sex bonerless
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
