My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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