I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
