i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I could fuck to npr.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
