I want to have your abortion
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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