what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
