someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
