Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
