woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
