dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
