I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
