I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
