Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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