Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
