My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i barfeds in our rink
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Enjoy the penises
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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