So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
