billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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