Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think people are normalizing furries
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
