My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
