I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
