Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
