Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize