no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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