Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize