Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
