So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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