Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
