I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
