You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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