I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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