totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
