Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
