I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
