Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
