my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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