Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
