i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
