i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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