then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
