Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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