Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
