omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
