Can Purell be used as lube?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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