my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
