Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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