He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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