She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
