I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
