I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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