I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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