I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just cropdusted the office
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
