Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
