So drunk its hurt
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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