everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
