Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
