i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
