We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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